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As the children grow in age, the mother also must learn to speak to them accordingly. This needs maturity, frequent introspection on the mother’s part.

Dear and blessed R,

Hariḥ Om Tat Sat. I had promised to write a long letter to you. I did speak to S for a short while about the children, their growth and the manner in which they should be dealt with and prevailed upon for improvement. On this point I could not spend any time with you. There was not enough time when we came to your house. So, I felt like writing to you leisurely, giving some points that would be of use to you. Please read these, take them to heart, think over them now and then, and see that their worth and benefits grace your mind, temperament and behavior.

You are a very hearty person, and your children do understand this fact. But they have their problems of growing-up, particularly in reacting to situations and asserting their independence. They do not disregard you or feel less of affection or concern for you. But as they grow, they all develop their own individuality. The school education may make them feel a step above. However much told, the feminine motherly sentiments will not influence them so easily. So, in many cases, the difficulties of the mother will not be sensed by the sons. Nevertheless they feel that they should not be scolded or spoken to harshly, critically.

It is only a passing phase. Understand that this is so and bear with them. At no time should you imagine that they dislike you or cause you pain deliberately. For whatever inattention they have now, they will feel remorseful on growing older. Till then this tussle will continue.

As the children grow in age, the mother also must learn to speak to them accordingly. This needs maturity, frequent introspection on the mother’s part. The mother should know how to generate self-respect in the children. Repeatedly saying the same thing, nagging, is to be avoided. Make the children respond to words and suggestions given once. Tell them not to make it necessary to speak to them on the same point several times. Keep quiet, and take to mauna (silence). More than repeated exhortations, mauna will be heeded.

The tendency to get angry is one’s own creation. Try to replace this habit with something better. Our anger is our failure. Our anger is our problem, not theirs. One gets angry because one does not know what else to do. As age advances, we must try to gain sublimation. In place of anger, composure should be cultivated. If you try, you can do this. But, the effort must be there.

Call the children; sit with them; explain your difficulties and also some points, which they may not know by themselves. Your health is not what it was and may become poorer as you get older. There is no daughter in the house and so, the sons will have to function as daughters in the matter of relieving you of some of the physical burdens of household work. The sons must learn to wash the utensils used by them, arrange the dining table, lay out the dishes for meals, help to serve etc. The children must do these lovingly as service or cooperation rather than obeying an order or command.

Give them love and confidence. Your children may gain high education and achieve high status in life, but still you will be their mother. Create that kind of a feeling of oneness. Talk to them in an endearing manner, which everyone will like. Generate fondness and warmth.

Speak less to them, and more to God. Do not tire yourself by talking too much to them. Learn to sit in a place. Introspect on your own mind, its thoughts and behavior. Also contemplate on God.

Chant the mantra in the manner I have said. Observe the chanting process; see from where it proceeds and where it subsists. This will reduce thoughts, heaviness, and make the mind light and cheerful.

The value and respect you give your children will alone be their strength. The respect and care you get from them is the strength you will have. The emphasis thus should be on this mutual give and take.

I think some of these points, when contemplated upon, will relieve your tension and make you happier and worthier.

Love and śivāśis

Yours,
Swamiji

From the book—“Divinizing Every Moment”