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Poojya Swamiji says, when you sincerely love a quality, the quality becomes yours. Similarly, when you truly dislike a bad trait of yours, it will leave you if you are constantly attentive. Do not indulge in it.

11 May 2016

Dear Ma:
How are you? When my Grandma came to Australia last year, I asked her: “How can I improve my behaviour, attitude and personality?” She had asked me to write to you for help and suggestions. I am mostly trying to work on my behaviour and self-esteem, and ways I can try to control my patience. Another bad habit is that I get angry really quickly, especially with my relatives, though not so much at school.

I am hoping you can help me in this situation and give me the right directions to work on my behaviour and attitude towards everyone.

Yours sincerely, S.

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8 June 2016

Dear and blessed Little S:

Harih Om Tat Sat. Jai Guru. I still consider you to be a small child. You must have lost hope of receiving a reply from me. Ever since I received your email I thought of writing almost everyday. Somehow, it did not happen so far. I kept on thinking that you must have become a bit disappointed. True?

That, at this age you have introspected about your behavior, attitude and personality, and would like to improve, is itself a great quality. To understand one’s mind and behavior, to be able to pinpoint and admit the defects in oneself, is possible only by the grace of God. Feel blessed and grateful to God about that.

Always keep a beautiful picture of yourself in your mind. Full of all good qualities, like love, sympathy, sacrifice, patience, tolerance, perseverance, endurance, hope, confidence, fearlessness, truthfulness, straightforwardness, transparence, non-laziness, calmness, peace, joy and so on … Although this is your ideal, in your day-to-day life you will find that you are falling from this ideal quite often. Even though you do not want to be angry or irritated, you may get irritated at the slightest reason; you may become intolerant and impatient quickly; you may shout at people even if you never intended to; you may become lazy and procrastinating in spite of hating to be so.

So, what do you do? Surely, you do not want the undesirable traits of your mind to remain within you and bother you. Also, you do want to strengthen the desirable traits in you so that you can blossom like a pure, fragrant flower radiating peace and joy around. Dear S, think about these desirable qualities on and off, and be fond of them with full mind and heart. Feel the presence of those qualities in you. Keeping your eyes closed, enjoy the bliss such qualities radiate in you. Poojya Swamiji says, when you sincerely love a quality, the quality becomes yours.
Similarly, when you truly dislike a bad trait of yours, it will leave you if you are constantly attentive. Do not indulge in it. Before acting or reacting, give a moment to think whether what you are doing is desirable or undesirable, whether it is good for you or bad.

If you have hurt anybody by your behavior, feel sorry. Go to the person whom you have hurt, confess lovingly and ask for forgiveness. Resolve that somehow you have to win over your wrong traits. Never feel depressed over any failure to change some of the traits; instead, remain always inspired in your effort. Take it as an interesting adventure in life where you are always on guard at the gate of your inner kingdom, which you are trying to decorate with beautiful fragrant flowers, plucking away the ones that are poisonous.

Frequently ask your parents and brother at home, and the friends and teachers at school, to comment on your behaviour. Do not get angry by their comments. Do not try to defend or justify yourself. Think well. If what they say is true, try to work on that. Be grateful to them, understanding that they have done something good for you by pointing out your defect. If their comment is not true, then ignore it and forget about it. Do not dislike the person who has pointed out your defect.

It becomes very helpful, if in a notebook you list out the good qualities you like to be adorned with. At the end of the day, go through each of them, examine yourself and see how you have fared throughout the day in your thoughts, words and deeds. May be you can award yourself some marks against each quality. That will guide you towards perfection.

Similarly, you can make a list of undesirable traits and assess these every day. Such efforts will generate enthusiasm and clarity in going ahead with the project of purifying your mind. Dear little S, only in a pure mind rest eternal happiness and peace.

Will you make such efforts? I am very eager to know. I want to know about you more: about your mind, thoughts, likes and dislikes; your hobbies and friends; all these and more. I will wait for your reply.

With love and fondness,
Ma

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(From Vicharasethu Sep 2016)