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Before doing anything serious, share your heart and mind with at least one good person, telling him in confidence whatever you propose to do.

25 May 2000

Harih Om Tat Sat. Jai Guru.

Recently we read a number of reports that the suicide rate has gone up in our country and especially in Kerala. One of the reasons or may be the primary reason for this could be the constant temptation the people have to live in a style beyond their means. To do so, they incur loans and soon find that they are unable to repay through their normal income. They then resort to selling their assets and holdings and raise the money for payback.

When these measures also are insufficient to meet their mounting liabilities, the impossibility of continuing their lifestyle looms large in their mind. The so-called self-respect and self-image comes into the foreground. Then they try to terminate their life as a last resort. Now, this is an economic reason and compulsion. The whole motivation for suicide seems to be their fear of not being able to keep up their image in the public eye.

Yesterday I was mentioning how constricted people are while facing others. Their concerns generally are in what others think, rather than in the welfare, security and safety of their own children and well-wishers. Even in emergent situations, some parents think in this manner. And sometimes, only after we point out and advise a correction, apparently some realize the futility of their outlook.

The point I want to convey is that generally we are self-centred and selfish. Selfishness is always the first part in our life and it is very constricting in nature. So there should be a constant effort to remove selfishness and selfish points of view.

We do not know when we were born; we do not know when we will die; and also we do not know what is going to happen after death. We only know what is happening in life. So, when a man decides to terminate his life, thinking that that is a solution, does he think of others, his loved ones he leaves behind? Does he ask himself: “Will this incident be pleasant or peaceful to them?”

Will not the event of suicide tarnish the image of his very family and lineage, which he has been trying to build up? The whole family will be looked at with suspicion and skepticism by others. Society may label it as a defective lineage and avoid matrimonial transactions with such a group. Will this not be unbearable to the successors? If it so happens, is it not a black mark on the family? Those who are left behind generally feel and say that they did not get an opportunity to understand the problem of the deceased and hence could not help him in resolving it. Else, they would have done something about it.

Last year, a son of someone close to us, jumped onto the railway tracks and was run over by the speeding train. Possibly he had some financial involvement which he kept to himself. Now the family is unable to reconcile with the fateful event. They say that he did not give them an opportunity to know the problem: “All of us were ready to solve his difficulty even if it involved huge sums of money. We were prepared to relieve him of the burden”.

But he has gone and now how can their minds be consoled? One year has passed and the mother is still inconsolable. She continues to live in utter misery. The father, who is given to spirituality and association with us in the Ashram, is better. The exposure to wisdom has done something good. But the remaining family is in gloom and the sense of loss, public fear and apprehension are still overshadowing them.

Even for a community, it is not creditable if its member commits suicide. Suppose there is a society where suicide rate is very high. People will think that there is something basically wrong with it. It is a discredit to its culture and traditions. It means there is a defect in its constitution. This will be the natural conclusion of people.

Now, all this arises because of selfishness in man. Why do I call it ‘selfishness’? See, the person who takes such a drastic step, thinks of himself alone. Has he reached a stage of impossibility in life? Why? Could the problem not be solved? Did the person contemplating suicide, share his feelings with others? Obviously, he has no consideration for others.

So, I always tell people – not just to anyone in particular – you can take it as a message from me: “Before doing anything serious, share your heart and mind with at least one good person, telling him in confidence whatever you propose to do”. Share it with another. Whatever step you propose to take, ask yourself and also ask another – will it be good, will it be nice? This applies to both – actions that are good or bad.

In our village, something strange happened long back and the result was that a working boy, due to his greed for acquiring wealth speedily, lost about 30 to 40 thousand rupees, steeping the parents and relatives in perpetual misery and poverty. Could he not have consulted some elders before venturing into such a risky task? But no. He chose not to be open with anyone.

If only a person shares his feeling with others, I think such calamities can be avoided. So it is selfishness that always drives us and motivates us and we have to be ever vigilant in safeguarding against it.

Try to think about it and understand the position. We must be able to talk about this to others and also to our own children boldly and openly. This Atma-bala is necessary and through bhakti, and also through saadhana, you should develop it.

Harih Om Tat Sat. Jai Guru.

Prabhata Rashmih- Vicharasethu-Dec 2005